I am the Night
by Lcrazemag
Summary: Mayor Regina Mills is bored with her monotonous life in Storybrooke, until she finds a Batman comic that gives her an idea. She could totally be Batman.


Regina Mills: Storybrooke Batman

It was a slow day, like every other boring, monotonous slow day since casting that damn curse. Regina knew she shouldn't have trusted Rumplestiltkin, but once again she let her quest for happiness stand in the way of reason. This place was in some ways more of a torture than a victory, but Regina had to admit it was a lot more relaxing than being a Queen in Fairy Tale Land. Here in Storybrooke, she had mastered being mayor and it was as easy as making sure they were supplied with resources from outside the city limits, and the curse took care of the rest. Time still went by, but no one ever aged, and no one ever remembered. So there was no one around to appreciate how bad ass she was at keeping Storybrooke afloat, but it wasn't like she had to worry about elections rolling around anytime soon.. or ever.

Still, Regina kept a strict order. Day by day, she'd sit in her office and wait for her appointments. They were ridiculously repetitive of course, and she was bored so easily these days. If she had to listen to Mary Margaret Blanchard complain about the elementary school budget one more year, she'd simply strangle her. Would anyone even notice her absence? How would that work? Would they mourn the loss for a while then become confused about her disappearance again when their memories reset? Or would they forget she even existed?

How did this damn curse even work? She really should've read the fine print.

Regina sighed as she flipped through the files in her large, expensive cherry wood desk. Rolling her eyes as her fingers passed through files that would be submitted yet again, by the same townsfolk soon, she frowned as she crossed a booklet she had forgotten she'd placed in there.

It was a Batman comic. She'd purchased it for Owen as a gift. She'd never given it to him.

Frowning at he fresh rejection she felt at the memory, she slipped the book from the drawer and placed it atop the desk, observing it curiously. With an unlimited amount of free time on her hands, she began to browse through it. She hadn't noticed when she'd bought it how... violent the images were, but then again, she herself was the Evil Queen. At least Batman didn't rip out hearts she supposed. He looked harmless enough, like a grown man (who may be slightly off his rocker) dressed up as a giant blue bat in tights, and with his undergarments on the outside. Regina snickered at how ridiculous the whole get up was, and with a few minutes left in her lunch break, she flipped back to the beginning and started to read.

* * *

She was sat at her table with spaghetti and a glass of red wine when she finished the comic. She was forced to pause her reading to finish out her meetings for the day, but as soon as she got home she returned to the story where she'd left off, as Batman was in the middle of KABOOMing some petty thief's poor angular mug. She'd even turned down Graham's offer for a nightly visit, having gotten bored with him and preferring to dive back into the comic as soon as possible. And that's what she did, right after she finished preparing dinner. But now, the book was done, she'd finished it's few pages and now she wanted to read more.

The comic book store was open until 10pm, which she'd never had reason to be thankful for before now. She thought about disguising herself as she headed inside, but remembered that she was a goddamn Queen and waltzed in with her head held high. It wasn't like anyone would remember seeing her anyways. She was certain that the clerk would have already forgotten seeing her the first time, a couple years ago when she'd purchased the comic for Owen back then.

"Madam Mayor?" The incredulous gasp came from the service counter. It was the exact same reaction as last time. Regina rolled her eyes.

"Hello, I'm here to purchase more of these comic books. Where can I find the others?" She asked him, handing it over so that he could see.

"Oh! That's Batman and the Outsiders. It just came out this month! It's the latest edition to the Batman series." He smiled with wide eyes, apparently excited to share his invalid information with her.

She'd purchased this book three years ago. Surely it could not be the latest edition, unless the comics had been cancelled.

Sometimes the curse was really fucking annoying.

"Thank you." She said bitterly, annoyed with his uselessness. She was about to storm out dramatically before she noticed something out the corner of her eye, hanging up on the wall.

It was a replica of the Batman suit, displayed to celebrate the release of the comics.

Her eyes widened.

Regina wasn't insane, okay? She wasn't! She knew how ridiculous the idea was that she wanted to buy the suit. What would she do with it? I mean, the appeal of Batman simply came from the idea that he was praised as a hero for going around harassing criminals and hitting them with things. That seemed like a pretty sweet gig, if you think about it. Regina had a lot of time and money and she could probably be Batman.

Her eyes widened again, comically so.

"How much is that?" She asked the store clerk, pointing at the suit, just waiting to be hers.

The clerk scratched his head in confusion. "The costume? I'm not sure. I could go check the books if you'll give me a second..." He said, before turning around the go into the back of the shop.

Regina growled in annoyance. He had already wasted enough of her time. She knew it was ridiculous to be impatient in a world where time was infinite but change wasn't easy, ok? She pulled a $20 out of her wallet and placed it on the counter, before heading to the wall and yanking down the suit.

That should be more than enough to cover it, and he wouldn't remember it anyways.

* * *

This was silly. And Regina could identify that it was completely silly, but she was beyond caring at this point. If she couldn't have more Batman then she would simply be Batman. She tailored the suit to fit her slim figure and tried it on in front of her mirror. Not bad. If she were being completely honest she looked better in the suit that any man would. Standing proudly and grinning at herself, she flexed her muscles, then threw out a test punch making a POW noise. She then flipped the cape behind herself, before pulling it around on her arm and hiding her face behind it like she'd seen done in the comics.

"I am vengeance, I am the night. I am Batman!" She growled, before bursting into giggles and flopping back onto her bed.

She hadn't had so much fun in ages. She just had to try this thing out. What harm could it do?

* * *

Storybrooke was a peaceful town, but there was a Sheriff's department nevertheless. Regina reasoned that there had to be criminals around somewhere, right? Fairy Tale Land had plenty of thieves and scavengers, so the curse had to have transported one or two on accident. She could probably go find Gold and discover a litany of illegal activity, but that was too much work. He'd probably already be asleep at his old-man-bedtime anyways. Regina needed a easy villain. She snickered to herself at the irony in that. She was the hero now damn it!

Stalking stealthily across the grass in the park, Regina hid behind a tree as she noticed a dark figure nearing. She immediately recognized the being as none other than Mary Margaret Blanchard, her arch nemesis (even if MM had no idea.) Regina smirked widely to herself as she waited for Mary Margaret to come closer.

Just a bit closer.

THERE.

"Your reign of evil has ended Snow White!" Regina yelled as she jumped from behind the tree, startling Mary Margaret and causing her to stumble. The woman looked at her with half frightened half confused wide eyes, and a hand on her chest to still her beating heart.

"What on Earth?!" Mary Margaret gasped.

"It's time to pay for your crimes against the Queen! There's nowhere to run now!" Regina continued.

"Mayor Mills?" Mary Margaret questioned, squinting her eyes in an attempt to see past the mask in the darkness. "Is that you? Are you... have you been drinking?"

"Silence!" Regina roared theatrically. "You can come quietly or I can kick your ass first but its to the dungeons with you!"

Mary Margaret stared at her for a long moment, and Regina tried her hardest not to laugh. Then, the woman seemed to have reached a conclusion, nodding her head in the mayor's direction.

She reached out to Regina in an attempt to aid her. "Okay, it's clear you've had a bit too much to drink, so I'm just going to help you get home—"

Regina took the offered arm and spun around, flipping Mary Margaret on her belly in the grass. Feeling victorious over having taken down Snow White, Regina sat triumphantly on her back. Mary Margaret squeaked at the astonishingly awkward situation.

"Mayor—"

"You have the right to remain silent! If you continue to resist arrest then I will be forced to throw you into the harbor."

"What!?"

"I've got you on charges of treason, murder, vandalism, theft, and assaulting multiple guards." Regina announced from her position atop the woman. Mary Margaret was too astounded to try and struggle. The poor woman had gone mad! The stresses of being mayor had finally gotten to her. But she couldn't remember how long Regina had been mayor or even voting for her.. "Oh, and trespassing." Regina added.

"Mayor Mills, this is a public park. And those other things don't even make sense!"

"So you're not gonna come quietly then? I'll just have to—"

"Mayor Mills?!" A third, deeper voice interrupted. "What are you doing!?" Sheriff Graham asked frantically, running over to lift Regina from Mary Margaret, then helping the other woman to her feet. "What are you wearing?! What's going on?"

Regina had to turn her head away to swallow the giggles threatening to blow her cover. "Sheriff Graham, just in time. Arrest this delinquent!" She said, dramatically pointing at Mary Margaret with a heroic pose, like on page 12.

Graham looked at her in confusion before trading a glance with Mary Margaret. He'd been called while on patrol about a disturbance in the park. He could see now that the mayor had been the cause of it. He wasn't sure how to proceed.

"Mayor, I—"

"Sheriff, I demand that you arrest this thug immediately!" Regina said.

Mary Margaret leaned over into Graham and whispered "Just give me a ride home please? I'm just read for bed after all this. I'll wear the cuffs."

Graham nodded his head and proceeded to "arrest" Mary Margaret, leading her into the back of the car before standing before Regina once more, awkwardly trying to determine a course of action. He couldn't smell anything on her breath though, which meant she must have taken something.

"Mayor Mills, please. Let me take you home."

Regina ignored him. "Excellent work Sheriff. See to it that the bandit is tried for her crimes so that Storybrooke can remain safe. I am the night."

Graham sighed. "Ok, then. I'll um, see you in the morning?"

"I am vengeance." Regina smirked.

Graham nodded and headed back towards the car.

"I AM BATMAN!" Regina yelled as they pulled away. "Justice is served," she laughed to herself, deciding that was enough vigilante work for the night and heading home.

* * *

Yawning, she hung her costume, then stretched her tired muscles. She was exhausted from the excitement of the night, and the best part was everything would be back to normal when she woke up. She sighed happily as she landed into bed, giggling at the faces of the Sheriff and Mary Margaret in her mind as she felt herself succumbing to sleep.

Storybrooke was safe and sound once more.


End file.
